i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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