Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We just shotgunned beers for America
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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