Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
