Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
