I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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