i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
