hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
