I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
