I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize