he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
