I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was born a porn star she said
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
