there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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