we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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