You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
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Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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