I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
