I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
