His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize