I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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