I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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