i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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