Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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