You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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