I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
