your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
