i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
