Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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