yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
