I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
