this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
