is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
