I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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