two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
