you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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