I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
