You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
