even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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