Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
