I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?