im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?