I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
