who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
