no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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