When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
