I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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