I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Every concussion has its silver lining
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
