The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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