somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
