I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
