Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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