it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
