Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
