Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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