I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
