Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
