I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
