I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
