Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize