I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
