Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
