and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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