My Higher Power is John Stamos
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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